Can I Parent My Children with Love as the Only Goal?

One of my kids jumped into their fiction book right away as they started the morning. By the time breakfast was on the table he was immersed. I struggled to get his attention. My heart beat faster and faster with frustration as he didn’t respond.

He finally came to the table with a scowl. When I asked what was wrong he couldn’t say…I let it rest for the time. We moved into our Bible Reading while we ate our morning meal.

We moved into the next part of homeschool easily enough.The next transition was hard. Nothing I said seemed to help. My son was unmovable.

I felt tempted to feel bad for myself. To text my husband about our child’s attitude. 

“Why couldn’t he just have a nice heart response?” I kept thinking.  

And a thought kept coming into my mind…

What if my outcome was love? Just love?

What if I sought to understand him and what is going on in his heart?

What if I purposed to join him and help him move forward to a new way of thinking?  

I decided to follow God’s prompting to help my son in this way. Instead of responding with impatience and frustration I asked him what he was feeling. 

The conversation slowly led to him sharing again how he misses his school but doesn’t want to be there wearing a mask all day. He shared his sadness and frustration. I listened. 

I casually grabbed one of my calming essential oils and put them on my hand. I let him smell them. I could see his whole nervous system calm.

I looked in his eyes and shared, “I want you to know I am with you. I feel sad that are you are sad.  We can figure out together how to make this year as great as it can be.” We prayed together and asked God for help and wisdom.

He hugged me so tight. 

His attitude completely changed afterward. He was bright and engaging. 

My natural tendency is to feel frustrated in these moments. To play the victim, “Why is he acting this way to his own mom!?”. I react and try to stop my kids from having a bad attitude, just cut it off and tell them its not allowed.

But I am learning new ways. I am learning how to enter into their struggle. I am learning how to lead them to the Lord and to tools that will help their brains and bodies.

I am learning how to make my only outcome love.